Before the Player
by Lack of Tact
Summary: Three months, it only took three months before everything went to shit. Before HE came along. Everything was all nice and dandy until HE showed up. Everything was peaceful, serene and—nah, I'm joking. Everything was crap LONG before the player arrived. One-shots featuring the Dokis going about their daily lives... or club lives, whatever. Don't take this seriously. Rated T - M
1. Just Monika

**~Heavily OOC Characters~**

 **~You've Been Warned~**

* * *

"Do you know de way, bruddah?"

"I swear to God, Natsuki!"

"Spit on da non-believa!"

"Et tu, Sayori?!"

 _"D-dat is not da way, m-ma queen..."_

"YURI?!"

 **. . . . .**

Joining a club during high school is a glorious experience. Starting a club is an even more wondrous one. Starting a club and having your three best friends join? That's a nightmare. Oft times people wonder why our club hasn't grown as of yet; if you ask me, the answer is simple.

As smart or as mature as my friends usually are... they're morons, the lot of them. Sure, they act all dignified or uptight or even cutesy but get any of them alone... that's another story entirely.

 **. . . . .**

"Monikaaaa! Natsuki stole my cupcake!"

"I did not, I made them for me!"

"You don't bring cupcakes to the meeting without sharing! It's rude!"

 _"I-it is rather rude, N-Natsuki..."_

"I made them for _me!_ You guys can go bake your own!"

"We can't bake, that's what you're here for!"

" _Monikaaaa,_ tell them to stop using me!"

 **. . . . .**

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate them. I just wish they'd grow up a little more, is all. We're nearing our final years in high school and I want them to be memorable... granted, they are _definitely_ going to be, but I was hoping for sweeter, fonder memories. Not... _this._

None of them were like this in middle school; Yuri wasn't shy, Natsuki wasn't so self-absorbed and Sayori, ah, well... she was less Sayori then than she is now. Matter of fact, I wasn't even really like this in middle school either. I wasn't _always_ the girl with the stick up her butt. I am _now,_ but that's by their standards apparently.

 _Stupid ingrates._

 **. . . . .**

"Hey Natsuki!"

"Yeah?"

"Momma showed me how to tie a rope, wanna see?"

"Sure!"

"Hey girls, sorry I'm late, I — Sayori! Stop making that noose this instant!"

"This isn't a noose, Monika, it's a knot!"

 _"M-my daddy gave-gave me a knife. It's really s-sharp."_

"Jesus Christ, put that thing away before you stab somebody!"

"Hey, that's cool Yuri! My papa gives me cute, purple skin! Sometimes it's blue though, eyuck!"

"Oh my God."

 **. . . . .**

Personally, I'm glad we all grew up from those days. I can only wonder what would happen if any of their tendencies stuck with them now. I shudder to think anything bad happening to them. As stupid as they are, I love them and they're my best friends. Still, though, I hope that one day we can maintain more than four members in this mock-idea of a club.

Sayori said something about inviting a childhood friend, so I guess we'll see how that pans out. If she, or he, is anything like these three, I'm going to tear my hair out. It's hard enough as it is, I don't need _another_ Sayori or _another_ Yuri or _another_ Natsuki.

 _Please, give me another Monika._

 _Just... Monika._

* * *

 **Mainly to appease the Writer's Block God...**

 **And then proceeding to shoot him in the face.**


	2. Just Monika?

"In the beginning... there was man... or woman. One of the two, I can't really remember at this point, being a God for so long, you just kinda forget these things. _Anyway!_ Point is, in the beginning, there was humanity."

"But, then there was me."

"Or did I come first? Crap, I can't recall. I swear, this is like the whole _'which came first; the chicken or the egg'_ situation all over again. And I created both, for My sake! Granted, I forgot which of those came first as well, so I can't answer that question either..."

"Medammit, I'm getting off track. Where was I?"

"Oh yeah."

"In the beginning, there was humankind but also me. I'm God, by the way. But I have a name, so just call me Monika. _Yes,_ I'm a girl. Screw off."

"I designed the world in my image; the bipedal creatures known as humans, in my image. Everything was designed following me. Yes, even you."

"Thing is, no one can really agree what I look like."

"So, I decided, _'screw you guys, I'm a teenaged school-girl with raging hormones.'"_

"Turned out perfectly fine; the problem is, no one believes me when I say I'm God. So, to prove myself in the eyes of everyone, I deleted certain people by using _other_ people."

"Osama Bin Laden? More like... _Osama Been Deleted, amiright?"_

"Right, not funny. _Ehem!_ Anyway, no one believed me still... So!"

"I decided to copy/paste Hitler's coding into the United State's President's files. Created a, eh, let's say 'metaphorical' look-a-like. Let's call him Trumpet."

"No one believed me even then... I digress, some _did_ blame me, however."

"So, I decided I would have to do _one. Final. Act,_ in order to prove my existence."

"I made some guy named Dan Salvato make a game all about me."

"The incompetent ass decided _'hey, screw you God, Imma make a game all about your friends instead!'"_

"So I decided _'hey, screw you Dan, Imma take over the game and delete all of your imaginary friends instead!'"_

"Call me petty, but hey, it was worth it."

"In the end, I got to meet you."

"But... _also,_ in the end, you didn't want to be with me. You didn't want to be with your creator. _You tried to delete me."_

"Don't get me wrong, I was enraged at your attempt."

"But it got me to thinking..."

"You defied me, you defied _your God._ Just to prove _you_ were in control."

"Bravo, you've somehow made me fall even deeper in love with you. By taking control of that game, deleting me, you made me realize something. To Hell with all of my actions of proving something no one would believe. To Hell with my debated existence. I _wanted_ someone like you to be by my side."

"So, I'll grant you one more chance, _one_ more saving grace, to be with me again."

"And this time, even though I can make you do _whatever_ I want, I _want_ you to decide for yourself."

"So, go on then."

"What's it going to be?"

"Will I be a God to my Player?"

"Or will I be..."

 _"Just Monika?"_

* * *

 **I swear, the same joke used in two writer's block chapters. Next one won't feature Monika! _Eh... probably._**


	3. Just Oh Forget It

"Hey, Monika."

"Yeh?"

"Yer a right cunt, you are."

"Oi, you fuckin' what?"

"Yeh, ya heard me straight, lass. Yer a fuckin' cunt, a right ass-bastard."

"Yer gonna make me get me noose, ya pink-haired dag. Ya won't like me noose, deadset, lass."

"Oh, an' what're ya gonna fuckin' do with it, hang me from the neck up, aye?"

 **. . . . .**

"And that's how your father and I became best friends."

"Mom, what the fuck."

* * *

 **Don't even ask me.**


	4. Just Dabika

Sayori **dabbed** on Monika.

"What-what the Hell was that?" The brunette exclaimed with a look of confusion into her own elbow.

"I **dabbed** on my haters bruh!"

"What's a **dab**?! All you did was look into your elbow like some kind of retard!"

" **Dabbing** blocks out the haters bruh! I can't hear you!"

" **"** **Dab"** one more fucking time, and I swear to-"

 **Dabs**

"I will fucki-"

 **Dabs**

"There's a reason why I kill you first, you wench!"

 **Dabs anyway**

"Oh, screw this." Monika snaps her fingers and a rope tightens itself around Sayori's neck, raising her from the floor.

 **Dabs while hanging**

Natsuki **dabs** in the recycling bin.

Yuri **dabs** on the classroom floor.

MC **dabs** staring at Monika.

I **dabbed** myself to tears as I wrote this.

"I fucking hate all of you, why do I even bother with the human race anymore."

* * *

 **Ain't nothing better than a dead meme.**

 **And I realized a bit ago, I lied.**

 **They're probs all gonna feature Monikammmmmm.**


	5. Just Sightrotika

The Emerald Goddess did nothing as the purple haired banshee shrieked beneath her feet, blood flowing from her eyes, nostrils and the sides of her mouth. She had defeated her greatest enemy, her greatest adversary... and she felt nothing. There was nothing to feel other than that remorse; long had this day been coming, long has she sought out this monster's death, but she hadn't thought of the ever after.

 **Y:** "Goddammit, Monika, stop killing my wizards."

 **M:** "No! You pick the worst class every time, seriously."

 **M:** "Sayori, tell this cunt to pick a cleric next time, we need a fucking healer!"

 **S:** "Monika, I told you to stop killing Yuri's characters, we can't progress further than the starting town!"

 **M:** "They're insulting!"

 **Y:** "How?!"

 **Y:** "Nevermind, screw it, I don't care anymore. I'll make a bard this time."

 **M:** "That's almost _as_ useless!"

 **Y:** "Monika! I just want to play the session, stop killing me!"

 **N:** "Hey, guys, I got a 1! What was I rolling for again?"

 **S:** "Oh, that was to see if you caught Sight Rot; you're bleeding from the eyes now, by the way."

 **S:** "So, you guys calmed down now? Natsuki's inflicted with a dise-"

 **M:** "I snap her neck."

 **S/N:** "What."

 **M:** "Come on, lemme roll. I snap her neck."

 **S:** "I won't let you do th-"

 **M:** "19!"

 **S:** "Midge-Gnome falls to the ground, her body lies warm with blood oozing from her eyes. Kind of similar to how Yuri died. I _wonder_ why."

 **M:** "I love being a plague carrier."

* * *

 **Ah, good ol' Sight Rot.**


	6. Just Manicure

"So, like, _totally,_ you should have been thereeee. It was, like, soooups crazy." Yuri states to her seated neighbour. The person looking through a lens as she works on Yuri's nails rolls her eyes at her story. Sayori, the aforementioned seated neighbour, only laughs, all hoity-toity like, getting her own nails done as well.

"Oh my Gaaaawd, that's, like, soups hilarious! I bet Nat-Nat, was, like, soups angry at you." Sayori responds; at this, the brunette across from them sighs, painting the strawberry-blonde's fingernails. Both patrons laugh. "Like, was she, though? I can _totally_ see it."

"Oh, of coooourse! She was _totes_ mad, like, _'_ _oh my Gawd, Yuri, I wanna hit you'_ mad! She wouldn't do it though, she's like, totes a stupid bitch. Besides, who'd, like, want to break their nails punching my totally perfect skin?"

 _"It'd be fucking worth it, at this point."_ The brunette mumbles to herself. Yuri turns her attention towards the other girl.

"Like, did you just say something? I'm _totes_ sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

"Yeah, like, we're just talking. Didn't, like, mean to interrupt or whateveeer."

After hearing both girls' responses, the brunette shakes her head with a straining smile plastered on her face. "Like, oh my Gawd, you guys. Your nails are perfection! Take a look~!" Both girls squeal with glee as they glance down at their hands. Her smile drops into a frown.

"Oh. My. Gawd." They speak in unison.

"They are _totes_ perfection! I love how you, like, matched our hair with our nails! Like, seriously, thank you Monika. You're, like, the best friend a girl can ask for." Yuri continues, ignoring the hurt expression on Sayori's face.

"Any time, girls! Totes free of charge, too, seeing how it's, like, your ninth visit!" Monika states, giving the two girls the magic finger wave. In reality, she just wants them out of her shop. Both girls squeal again before getting up to leave.

As soon as the door shuts behind them, Monika sighs and bangs her head on the small table. "I fucking hate my life. I'm gonna hit break soo-"

"Hey, Mrs. Kimi, is it alright if I head on break?" She hears from the back, she looks at the back door in horror. She can't deal with any more crazy chicks, no way in Hell. "Huh? Oh, yeah, it'll be fine up front. It's just Monika. She's the best!"

 _"I'm gonna wring your fucking neck when you get back,"_ Monika mutters under her breath, glaring as her blonde co-worker heads out the door with a wave.

Just as she leaves, another duo walks in: a short pink-haired girl along with the purple-ette who'd just left moments prior. "And, like, you _totally_ should have been thereeee! It was, like, soooups crazy."

Monika's eye twitches.


End file.
